Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
