The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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