First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
