Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
