Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
