I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
