Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
