he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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