Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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