I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
