I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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