I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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