just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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