Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
