You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
