I heard we made out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
not ubering you a puppy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
