conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he thought i was a dude.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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