he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
