I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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