My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
