i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
