glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
