Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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