Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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