Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize