I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
