His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
