ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think i have herpe
just one?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
