the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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