You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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