I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
