Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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