I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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