You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
