someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
