i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
