I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
