I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
