Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Another day, another engagement, another cat
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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