theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I just sharted jello shots
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
