Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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