goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
