she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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