I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
