So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
