Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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