I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
