Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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