this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
