another moral hangover. fuck.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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