So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
