I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
