I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
