I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
